When I talk about adjusting to being married, I don’t mean that it is bad! I do think, however, that there are things people don’t tell you before you get married. Everybody talks about the “honeymoon phase” without including the “period of adjustment” that comes with it. Instead of saying, “it’s hard but it’s worth it,” or “you’re gonna be cranky sometimes,” everybody seems to chirp phrases more akin to “you two are going to be so happy!”
While these people are right about being happy, there are certainly unforeseen challenges that have been encountered. Since we didn’t live together before marriage, we had to adjust to being newlyweds and having a new roommate at the same time. Everything from sleeping together to cleaning to getting ready suddenly included another person! Not just any person, either. The person you like the most! It can be really tense when we one of us is cranky or overwhelmed, but still trying to be nice.
The best thing I have found is that no amount of sleep deprivation or dirty kitchenware is worth making someone feel bad, so if things get tense, remember you love each other and that really is the most important. Use kind words and really speak up when something upsets you, but do it in a way that isn’t rude to your spouse. They are your ultimate teammate and liked you so much they wanted to keep being your teammate forever, so be nice!
The other thing is, if you are able to, pick up the slack when your partner seems overwhelmed. If Mike is stressed from work and I have extra time, why wouldn’t I make sure he has clean clothes to lighten his burden? When he does the same for me, I know how much I appreciate it. Sometimes you will know it intuitively, and sometimes you will have to ask for, or offer that help. Asking for something is ok; as close as you may be, your spouse probably isn’t a mind-reader (if they are, that may have its own set of problems).
For any other newlyweds out there having the thoughts or feelings, wow, this is quite an adjustment: you’re not alone. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way some of the time. My husband and I have even discussed how different it is to be married now, and that discussion led to us feeling even closer! Just thought I would share my small amount of insight for any other newlyweds who have found the marriage adjustment difficult!